It's Been A While...My Introduction

So, as my title states...it's been a while. And when I say "a while", what I actually mean is, "it's been about a decade".

I used to write a lot, or blog per se. I used to do A LOT of things back then. 

Wow, it makes it seem like I'm like super old. 

I'm only 31 turning 32. It's crazy how the older you get with more responsibilities added to your daily life, that it can add a few more years into you. I've grown to notice how much I've changed in the past 10 years and let's just say, there have been moments of regret. Not really regret...I can't quite put a finger on the word as of right now but hopefully I will get there.

As a busy working mom of two kids (and a pet mom as well), it can be quite exhausting. While my husband does some of the labor work, I believe it's safe to say that I do majority of the mental work. Hah! That sounds like I'm a crazy lunatic over here. Not at all (or at least I don't think I am - we'll get to that part later haha).

I. AM. EXHAUSTED.

Mentally, I've had a rocky past 4-5 years. Gradually, I realized how much my mental health has suffered. And this is in no means anything that has to do with anybody - let alone my husband and kids. They are the light in my life (even though at times it gets a bit crazy). It all has to do with me. And my past traumas and just overall...ME. I was an only child who found out my "dad" (aka my sperm donor [I do not have a relationship with him]), ALSO had two other kids with two different women. So, I have two half-siblings back in my country of origin. Two sisters. Anyways, back to me being an only child. 

My grandmother was the one that raised me as both my "parents" were incompetent to raise a baby during those times. Some of you may feel like I may be ungrateful. But, picture this. A little baby who needs milk and proper care, being "taken care of" by two people who weren't in the best mental state and made really poor choices (like selling my milk for drugs, poor living conditions, and giving me a gift like a bunny one day and then taking it away and selling it for more drugs). Let's just say, it was not a good situation.

My grandmother on my "mother's" side (also...she's basically just a surrogate at this point --- you'll get to know more about her or not later on), was the only person who basically took care of me. My grandmother passed away in 2014. That was the year when my life had a big turn of events. Not only did the passing of my grandmother and the years to follow created a big shift in my life, I think it really "broke" my family apart (amongst other underlying family issues). I cut ties with my "family" from my grandmother's side about 3 years ago? I don't quite remember that much. 

I'm kind of going all over the place on my first blog post. Typical me. Haha!

Well, let's leave this part of my introduction for now. I wanted to post about my mental health and perhaps in those posts, we shall continue the "getting-to-know-me" part.

Not that anybody really reads random people's journal entries anymore...but, this is for me. If you wanna join the ride into my crazy life, feel free to join! Just hold on to your hats because it's a one big rollercoaster ride with many twists and turns. I'm still going through it so we shall see how it goes. As for now, I'll be seeing you.

Written by: Mary Desiree